Domestic Violence

 

424 239 6472

Domestic Violence Classes available during the day, evenings and weekends

Accelerated classes available, earn up to 12 hours in one weekend

separate men's and women's classes

Domestic Violence Counseling and Classes

What is Domestic Violence?

  • Domestic violence is defined as physical aggression against a family member, wife, husband, or child with the purpose of injury. Domestic violence includes abusive behaviors such as emotional abuse, which is an attempt to control or dominate, intimidate or stalk a partner or others in an intimate relationship. Signs of domestic violence:
    • Threats (perception of threat)
    • Verbal threats or name calling
    • You are being isolated from your friends and family
    • You have been locked out of the house
    • You have been abandoned
    • Denied proper medical treatment
    • Humiliated in public
    • Slapped
    • Shaken
    • Pushed
    • Bitten
    • Punched
    • Beaten
    • Pinched
    • Kicked
    • Aggressive sex that is not consensual
    • Forced to have sex with others or forced to watch others have sex
    • Sex that is not consensual
    • Isolation
    • Stabbed by object
    • Passive Aggressive Behaviors
    • Ignoring
    • Domestic violence is a coercive behavior for control
    • Intimidation
    • Hit with a weapon
    • Been shot
    • Instilled fear by stalking
    • Having HIV and giving it to a partner you have not disclosed this information to is domestic violence

According to the Los Angeles Police Department,

  • In California, it is a crime for any person to threaten, beat, sexually assault or otherwise harm another person, even if they are married. Battering is not exclusively a crime against women, but women are most likely to be battered. 
  • One of every two families in the United States has been involved in domestic violence at some time. Domestic violence is a repetitive pattern in people’s lives. Victims or witnesses of domestic violence in childhood are mostly likely to repeat such acts as adults.

What happens when domestic violence is suspected in the home?

  • Anyone that has heard, or witnessed domestic violence can call 911 or let a police officer know.
  • Police will arrest the perpetrator, and the perpetrator will be held in jail until bail is posted.
  • Victims often fill out restraining orders or perpetrators are brought to court by the victims who seek divorce or custody of children.
  • Courts are notified by police, health officials or a child protection agency of an abusive parent.
  • Teachers may also report abuse to different protection agencies.
  • Batterers brought to trial are sentenced by the judge to jail or they are referred to court- mandated treatment (either  psychotherapy or anger management) where the results are reported to court at a later time.

Types of abuse

  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Verbal
  • Sexual
  • Financial
  • Psychological
  • Spiritual
  • Child Abuse
  • Elder Abuse
  • Pet abuse
  • Neglect
  • Isolation
  • Sleep Deprivation
 

THE VICTIM
Characteristics of the victim:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Trauma bonding
  • Shame
  • Guilt
  • PTSD
  • They may feel they are to blame. Batterer's often promote the illusion that the "victim" controls the violence
  • Reserved or passive personality
  • Strong belief in traditional gender roles with the family
  • Severe stress reactions
  • May become withdrawn and aloof during stressful situations
  • Belief that no one can help
  • Socially shy and isolated
  • Typically has abandonment issues
  • Some women have detachment issues
  • Victims may exhibit signs of PTSD
  • It is possible victims may exhibit Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding)
    • Acts of kindness and then abuse. The cycle occurs in three stages:
      • 1. Tension rising
      • 2. The Event
      • 3. The Honeymoon
        • Some women will trigger his button to get out of the tension stage and get to the honeymoon stage
          • Events can be moments, days, months, even years – (example: being held hostage in your apartment for three years)
      • He is the most devious during the honeymoon phase.  
      • He will use every tool to keep her.  
      • He has trained her.  
      • She thinks it is love.  
      • There is negative love (bonding).  
      • Love is unconditional positive regard

Why the victim stays with the abuser:

  • Makeup sex is amazing
  • The victim has learned to long for the sex  as the brief break from the abuse
  • The abuser is telling the victim what every person wants to hear ("You are the best, I cannot live without you, you are my everything, I promise to stop/get help")
  • Financial dependence on the abuser
  • Scared the abuser may take away the children 

Biology of a victim:

  • Researchers have found evidence that victims of domestic violence exhibit decreased levels of dopamine in the brain.
  • Dopamine is an essential neurotransmitter that has an active role in the way we experience pleasure and pain. 
    • The presence of dopamine in the brain has also been linked to motor control and motor movements. 
    • Decreased levels of this neurotransmitter contributes to a pleasure seeking behaviors in self-destructive ways. 
    • Moreover, some victims may have a preference for romantic relationships with unpredictable and potentially dangerous individuals.
    • These victims have a tendency to use drugs and alcohol to produce what normal levels of dopamine would naturally produce.

Psychology of a victim:

  • Psychological characteristics of the victim:
    • It has been found that childhood conditioning is a contributing factor: the child witnessed the father abusing the mother, or the mother abused the father, or other family members abused the child.
    • Victims usually exhibit low self-esteem.
    • Victims can present as depressed or anxious.
    • Victims search for co-dependency in relationships
    • Some may appear "drained of emotion" leaving them unable to escape an abusive relationship.
    • Children who were placed in caretaker roles (caring for their parents or their younger siblings) before they were mature enough to do so, exhibit higher amounts of stress, which leads to an inability to later care solely for themselves.
    • Victim who are unable to provide for themselves may have a hard time leaving unhealthy relationships.
    • Socioeconomic status (SES) and poor education contribute to the presence and need for co-dependent relationships. 

If you are a victim, tell yourself:

  • I am not to blame for the violence
  • I do not like to be abused and I do not have to take it.
  • I do have power over my own life
  • I am not alone; I can ask others for help
  • I am not the cause of my partner's violent behavior
  • I deserve to be respected
  • I am a worthwhile person
  • I can allow my partner to be responsible for their own behaviors
  • I am a human being and I have rights
  • I can decide what is best for me

The Batterer
Characteristics of an abuser:

  • Control
  • Entitlements
  • Selfishness
  • Self-confidence
  • Superiority
  • Possessiveness - she's partner as “owned” object
  • Confusion of love or abuse
  • Manipulative
  • Contrary statements and behaviors
  • Denial
  • Blaming
  • Minimization
  • Punish people who do not do what they want
  • His biggest fear is abandonment 
  • Batterers tend to manipulate the therapeutic process
  • A lot of batterers threaten suicide
  • Batterers who are depressed and without hope a more dangerous
  • Batterers like to try and get you committed
  • Batterers have distorted thinking

Batterer

  • Low self-esteem
  • Believes in myths of battering relationship
  • Strong belief in traditional gender roles within the family
  • Blames others for his behavior
  • Pathologically jealous
  • Alternates between violence and being regretful
  • Has severe stress reactions, with which he copes by drinking and battering
  • Uses sex as an act of aggression, often to bolster self-esteem
  • Does not believe the violent behavior should have negative consequences
  • Socially isolated
  • Very sensitive to the nuances of other person's behavior
  • Becomes paranoid under stress

Psychology of the batterer:

  • Unpredictable temper. 
  • Excessively jealous.  
  • Possessive of you and your time. 
  • Family history of abuse. 
  • Childhood experiences: may have witnessed a parent use violence in order to obtain what they want, which can lead to antisocial behavior.  
  • Some batterers are categorized as "psychopaths": the person is incapable of feeling remorse. 
  • They may isolate you from your friends and family as they wish to possess the majority of your time and attention. 
  • Manipulative when they want sex. 
  • Blame other for their own actions. 
  • Batterers that were neglected as children may never have experienced love or a sense of security and are now, as adults, incapable of showing or expressing either condition.    
  • Batterers may also be drug abusers, which often leads to an inability to control their own emotions.

Theories about the cause of violence:

  • Many theories addressing the prevalence of violence center on three characteristics: poverty, education, and social conditioning.
  • The lower the income for the family, the higher the risk of domestic violence and child abuse in the home.
  • The lower the education status of the parents, the higher the risk for domestic violence and child abuse in the home.
  • Someone that lives in a society, country or in an environment  that allows abuse, may see domestic violence as a "normal part of living." When the children have their own families they may continue the cycle of violence due to the belief that violence is a normal part of life.
  • Some theorists find our "patriarchal" society at fault. Historically, at least in the USA, women were given the subordinate position to men, resulting in oppression for over a century.
  • Many countries and religions still support the male-dominated view. Unfortunately, when women are in the subordinate role, it leaves them subject to domination and physical violence in order to force them into submission.
  • Social loafing is another contributor to the predominance of violence today. If violence is witnessed or suspected in a home, and a group of people know, each person thinks the other person in the group will do something. If everyone is thinking "someone else" is going to step up and step in, it results in no one taking a stand.

HELP and TREATMENT
Treatment for Victims

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy
  • Duluth Method, trained facilitators
  • One-on-one counseling
  • Support groups
  • A support system
  • Confidential, hot-lines

Treatment for the Batterer:
APPROVED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF PROBATION

  • Batterer's Intervention program: Deluth Model
  • Cognitive behavioral therapy
  • Psychotherapy
  • Support groups
  • Anger management
For more information or to register for a class, call:
 
(424) 239-6472

DAZ Foundation

DAZ Foundation
Locations: Los Angeles, West Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Venice, Marina del Rey, Playa Vista, Mar Vista, Redondo Beach, Hermosa Beach, Manhattan Beach, Torrance, Cerritos, Lakewood, Inglewood

Phone:   (424) 239-6472
Website: http://www.DAZFoundation.com
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